


Greatest Hits - Vampire Remix

by LydeNicoKITE



Series: together, bulletproof (random ficlets 2021) [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Archeology student Joe, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, I took canon and made a remix, Immortal Nicky, M/M, Twilight References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 03:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30099531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LydeNicoKITE/pseuds/LydeNicoKITE
Summary: His first theory was that Nicky was a vampire. No, Joe is not proud of his line of reasoning, being a man of science who devoted his life to the study of the past, but, among other things,1) Nicky is pale during winter,2) He’d never seen Nicky eat garlic, even though Nicky is Italian, and3) Twilight was back on Italian tv as it happened every three years right after the Harry Potter marathon, and Joe and Booker had indulged in some terrible cinema while drinking non-alcoholic fruity drinks and eating small cucumber sandwiches.Turns out Twilight could be very persuasive and yes, Joe had asked Nicky point blank if he was a vampire. Blame the Cullens.Thank God Nicky can be just as embarrassing as him because that conversation plagues Joe every time he tries to fall asleep. His brain will say: “Iknowwe’re trying to sleep, but I really think we should revisit one of your Greatest Hits. What about the Vampire incident?”And then it will ignore Joe’s cries for mercy and click theplaybutton.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: together, bulletproof (random ficlets 2021) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2196732
Comments: 10
Kudos: 108





	Greatest Hits - Vampire Remix

**Author's Note:**

> Another one of my tumblr aneurysms lands on Ao3 to a chorus of unimpressed crickets. If you want to make a complaint, leave a comment or find me on tumblr @nicolodigenovas. 
> 
> For Kayla, though her birthday present will be another fic, if I ever manage to finish it. Tanti auguri again.

### Greatest Hits - Vampire Remix

His first theory was that Nicky was a vampire. No, Joe is not proud of his line of reasoning, being a man of science who devoted his life to the study of the past, but, among other things,

1) Nicky is pale during winter,

2) He’d never seen Nicky eat garlic, even though Nicky is Italian, and 

3) Twilight was back on Italian tv as it happened every three years right after the Harry Potter marathon, and Joe and Booker had indulged in some terrible cinema while drinking non-alcoholic fruity drinks and eating small cucumber sandwiches. It was a good tradition that had substituted football matches after that time Booker and Joe didn’t speak for two months following a football-related argument. Turns out Twilight could be very persuasive and yes, Joe had asked Nicky point blank if he was a vampire. Blame the Cullens.

Thank God Nicky can be just as embarrassing as him because that conversation plagues Joe every time he tries to fall asleep. His brain will say: “I _know_ we’re trying to sleep, but I really think we should revisit one of your Greatest Hits. What about the Vampire incident?”

And then it will ignore Joe’s cries for mercy and click the _play_ button.

“Nicky, babe,” Joe said. Nicky wasn’t used to terms of endearment, and Joe himself wasn’t a big fan of PDA, but Joe was nervous, and the word slipped out of his mouth before he could take it back. Nicky didn’t blush, but the corner of his mouth raised a little, almost involuntarily, and Joe filed that little tick for later, in the huge folder in his mind where he kept all the things he loved about Nicky. After just six months of being together, it was a very huge folder.

“Yes? _Babe_ ,” Nicky added a second later, eyes sparkling with humour. People often thought Nicky was quiet and serious, but Joe had been delighted to discover that his boyfriend shared his sense of humour, even if Nicky preferred snickering after Joe’s sarcastic comments instead of providing his own.

“I think… we need to talk.”

Nicky had been cooking for the past hour, a four-cheeses risotto he promised was ‘the best human invention after the shower’ (see? Nicky talked like a textbook supernatural entity sometimes. ‘ _I remember when sugar was a luxury few people could afford_.’)

After Joe’s words, Nicky was more interested in the risotto than anything else. He looked very pale. Vampire-pale. Non-garlic-eater pale.

“Joe.”

“I am not breaking up with you,” Joe reassured him, but Nicky didn’t move from his risotto, his shoulders didn’t slump in relief. It _was_ suspicious. “But I think you’re not telling me something about you, something important.”

Nicky was a medicine student. He didn’t study as much as his colleagues, who were known to spend their long years of university holed up in the libraries, but the few times Joe and Nicky had studied together, Joe lost in some part of History and Nicky with his thick medical tomes, he often murmured things like: “Oh, _fascinating_. They changed this.”

Nicky often whispered things absentmindedly. This time, he exhaled a word Joe didn’t recognise but unmistakably sounded like a curse.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking of the fact that you don’t have baby pictures. Or parents. Or estranged parents. And that Andy advised you to ‘slow down’ last month, or ‘people would get hurt’.”

Nicky finally looked at him.

“You both were too drunk on wine to whisper properly.”

“Joe,” Nicky interrupted him. Why did Joe’s name always sound like a prayer coming from Nicky’s mouth? Like adoration, like respect, like longing. Nicky sometimes spoke with the practiced lilt of priests, Booker said, like someone used to conveying a message with his words. This time he sounded like a tired man in love. It caught Joe’s heart.

“Joe, I love you so much. If people really had soulmates, you would be mine,” Nicky wetted his lips. “Your mind, your talent, your good heart, you amaze me every day. I have been by your side for a few months, but I love you. I loved you since you talked my ear off talking about the joys of stratigraphy. Yusuf…”

Nicky was at loss for words, but so was Joe. To his dismay, he felt his cheeks grow hot.

“Nicky. How do you know details about most of the historical events I talk about?”

Nicky blinked. Joe thought there was some kind of trepidation, of excitement, burning low in Nicky’s eyes.

“Nicky, are you a vampire?”

Time stopped. This was the part of the memory that always played in HD, reconstructing perfectly the way Nicky’s face had gone from surprise, to hilarity, to frustration, to a weird mix of the three.

“My love,” Nicky took Joe’s face between his big hands, hands Joe loved very much. “You were _so close_.”

Nicky kissed Joe. Joe wasn’t really understanding what was going on, but kissing was always a good thing.

“You _are_?” He sputtered as soon as they stopped kissing.

“I am not a vampire,” Nicky laughed, he looked radiant. Alive. Joe’s boyfriend and main contestant for the role of Love of His Life. Not at all vampire-like.

“But I am immortal. And I owe Andy fifty euros.”

“You are immortal?”

“I have lived more than 400 years, Andy is around a thousand. Each time we get a new person in our coven, we all live a little less longer, but it’s still a very long time.”

“You’re making fun of me. Nicky,” Joe warned. “Don’t mock me.”

“I am perfectly serious,” Nicky took a seat in front of Joe and took Joe’s hands in his. The risotto was forgotten. “The weird things you noticed about me, they do add up. I knew it was a matter of time before you realised.”

“Why do you owe Andy money?” Joe said, feeling numb.

“Because we both knew I couldn’t keep being with you without you connecting the dots, but Andy thought you would get to the wrong conclusion. I bet that you’d get it right,” he sounded bashful. “I believe the fact I didn’t know what dragon ball was gave me away.”

“I was more worried about the fact you ‘remembered how dumb were the dodos’.”

Nicky started laughing.

“Oh,” he tried to say, laughter building up. “Right.”

“You’re quite calm about your terrible secret being revealed.”

Nicky sobered quite quickly. “I thought you’d stay.”

“I am.”

“Then why should I worry, I trust you with my life.”

And then, the memory shifts. It becomes something to be treasured. It is the moment Yusuf realised he _did_ want to stay, and he did want to ask Nicky a thousand different questions about the centuries he had lived and where, and it was the moment Nicky kissed him and they both pretended what was happening wasn’t a big deal, and it was the moment Nicky started crying on Joe’s shoulder because deep down he’d thought Joe would never stay.

In the present, Nicky taps on Joe’s shoulder. He pays attention to avoid the new sigil blazing red on Joe’s skin, the same one Andy, Nicky, Quỳnh, Nile and soon Booker have in various parts of their body, symbol of their connection. (Nicky says Joe will have a few centuries to study all the history in the world, but nothing more. Nicky gave Joe two hundred years. It makes his head spin, but in a frightening good way.)

“Babe, are you okay?” Nicky asks. The ‘Babe’ is a recent development. It never left after the discussion of a year before.

“Yes, sure.”

Nicky leaves the fuming casserole on the counter, close enough that Joe can smell… garlic?

“Does this have garlic?”

Nicky stares at the casserole. He has one arm around Joe’s waist, casual and reassuring. Booker is trying not to look at them being cozy in the kitchen and fails, while on the sofa Andy, Quỳnh and Lykon are…. it’s a complicated mess of limbs and kisses, let’s put it that way. Joe hasn’t asked about that yet.

“Of course it has garlic.”

“But I thought…. remember the vampire thing?” Joe ignores Nicky’s snort. “One of the clues, you, uhm, didn’t eat garlic.”

Nicky stares.

“Babe. Joe. Yusuf,” why is Nicky smiling again. Is it another Greatest Hit? Is his brain recording this moment for posterity? Joe wouldn’t mind. There are worse things to remember, a perfect imperfect moment spent with their little family, Nicky smiling, the future bright and terrifying but waiting to be lived.

“Joe,” Nicky repeats. It sounds again like a prayer, if not for the half laugh underneath it. A prayer for happiness, maybe. “I didn’t eat garlic during our dates because I didn’t want to kiss you with a bad breath.”

( _This is it!!_ Yusuf’s brain screams, the other braincells rejoicing. _Did you catch that on camera? Look at how much we’re blushing, perfect. So embarrassing, we’ll never forget this. Now OurLove is closer, closer, oh! He’s kissing us. Are you still recording? This is good. Perfect. Amazing. I love that thing Nicky does with his tongue. I’m quite sure we look stupid._ )


End file.
